Classrooms in Crisis: How Getting Beat up at a Self-Defense class Taught me about Trauma
In my younger days, I was asked to help a self-defense group at the university I graduated from. Now, this might sound fun or interesting, but I assure you it was anything but that.
You see, I was asked to be the “attacker” for the class. Why and how I got involved with this class, and the things I learned from my time, is a story for another time.
I was asked by another instructor in the organization to assist with the final “attack” as one of a group of men who were involved. I knew these men and the instructor and trusted them implicitly. Normally, I would have worked with the class and knew what I was getting into. On this occasion, I went in blind.
In these classes, a normal “attack” is a series of set starting pieces, then the opportunity for the student to use skills at full speed and power, finally a release and escape after effective techniques are used. We all have discussed what we will be doing and how to approach the students in class based on previous experience. Then we do some improvising during the “attack” to keep things moving.
My first real experience with trauma happened during this class. As I approached one of the women, we will call her Sue, to grab her hands so she could do a skill, she froze. And by froze, I mean, I had to stop what I was doing and grab her because she was going to hit the ground. Her eyes glazed over, her body froze, she could not speak, and she went immediately to another very dark place. I grabbed, her, the instructor grabbed her, I immediately took off my helmet and we brought her back to the present and the safe space she was in.
This is a look I have rarely seen since in any person. It was the look of complete and total paralyzing fear. I knew instantly that this woman had been physically or sexually assaulted at some point in the past. She was fully experiencing the stored memories of the trauma that had been inflicted on her. This was a look that I prayed I would never see in another person.
When we talk about trauma, people do handle it differently, but one thing we do know is that there has to be a release of it. There is much written on dealing with trauma so I won’t address that here. But we do have to deal with trauma and the impact it has on our lives. Ultimately, we have to provide a safe space to deal with the trauma. In the mean time, we must recognize that each of us will react differently. Some people will self-isolate, some will shut down, some will be disoriented and distracted, and some will lash out. It will happen when we least expect it and we need to be prepared to deal with it when it comes.
In the case of this young woman, she first had to recognize she was in a safe space. Sue had two instructors, both female who talked with her and reassured her of her safety. She had other male instructors also there, but at a safe distance confirming her safety and that she was capable of handling what was in front of her. I assured her of the safety of the experience she was trying to be involved in and that I would let her guide the rest of it. This brought Sue back to a good place in the class.
While our students may have never experienced trauma on the level of a sexual assault, many of them are dealing with trauma right now. If they are in one of the places impacted by COVID-19, they are isolated and quarantined. Some of them have had limited interaction with other people for 6 weeks or more. Some come from countries at war. Some of our students come from poverty or places where they are not safe, and maybe abuse or neglect is a real thing. As educators, if we hope to teach these students, we must make our classrooms a safe space where they know that they can release what they are dealing with, even if for just a few hours.
Good classroom management starts with building relationships. It also starts with planning how to set expectations in place for all students to know that they are wanted, safe, and that you will work to build trust and positive relationships with them as students and human. Our students may come to us with trauma, anxiety, concerns, depression, technology dependence, or simply having been isolated for weeks on end but they all come as humans. Our job is to set the classroom up as a safe space where these students can enter, release this trauma, and move forward as human beings.
If you are more than six weeks into online education, you are starting to think about how to return to normal classroom life. I strongly encourage you to plan this re-entry into school life. For the older students, they are on tight deadlines for external tests and likely have high stress loads right now in addition to the isolation. For other students, some have completed the work assigned, others haven’t. For all of them, they have missed school for up to two months or more. It will be like starting school all over again at the start of the year. I would strongly encourage you to think about how you rebuild the sense of community that has been lost during this time. I also strongly encourage you to consider what it has been like for our students as they have been isolated. What kind of trauma have they experienced? Have they been in an area where COVID-19 was a real thing and a very real concern for health and safety? This will impact them and they will need to have opportunities to return to a sense of normal and release this stress either in small bits, or perhaps in larger blowouts. Both are okay.
As we questioned Sue whether she wanted to continue, she assured us she did and that she needed to. While I put safety gear back on, the instructors gave her words of encouragement and told her she could do this. I don’t actually know what happened next. I remember I turned around and took a step towards Sue, and from what I have been told, she went over the top of me. I remember getting hit, losing my feet, and hitting the ground hard. I remember curling up in a tight little ball and screaming for help as I was getting pummeled. I probably also said some very unkind words that I shouldn’t repeat in public. When I finally stood up, she completely broke down and apologized. She was surrounded by the instructors, other students, and a couple of the other men who I learned later had pulled her off of me. She needed to release the fear and trauma that she had been holding within for so long. For her, it came out in one instant, violently, aggressively, loud and in a way that I know she did not expect.
I don’t say this because I am proud of my role in these classes. Nor do I say this to expect the worst. I share this story because our students may be dealing with trauma that we have no idea about. We as adults may be dealing with it as well.
In a few short weeks, hopefully, we will be returning to school. Teachers will return and students will return. It may be all at once or staggered. Everyone will be happy to return to some sense of normal. But under the surface, where we may not be able to see it, will be some trauma. There will be issues to deal with that we will not expect. The students may simple be off their normal game. They may act more quiet than normal, they may have outbursts that we aren’t used to seeing. But they are likely struggling with stress, anxiety, depression, or re-adjustment that all amounts to some level of trauma.
As you are planning the re-start of your classroom, I encourage you to treat it like the start of the new year. Think of starting fresh with your class, especially if you have been absent from school for a long period of time. Reset the expectations of the class. Spend additional time of building relationships again. Allow space for all students to speak, share, and be open and honest about their experiences so they can begin to release what they have experienced to come back to some sense of normal. Give yourself permission to build the classroom as a safe space first and the academics second.
We will all be ready to teach in front of students, but they may not be ready to learn. We need to treat them as humans who have been through a difficult time in school. We need to actively allow for that release and return to a sense of safety, trust, and community. There is no perfect way to do this, but we all must build our classes as we are trained to do. We must also remember to take care of ourselves. We will be as affected as the students and we need time to heal as well.
I wish you the best as you plan for your return to the classroom and encourage you ask questions about rebuilding the community that is your school.
